For some people, normal is a naughty word. Having a specific attraction or sexual desire is less abnormal than you might think, though. With the rise of BDSM leaning romance novels and sex positive culture, people are getting in touch with their needs and learning to be more honest about what revs their engine. BDSM dating and fetish dating are a little different than normal (or vanilla) situations.
If you’re going to dive into the world of fetish dating, there are things you need to know. First, learn to identify your fetish and flag down others with similar fetishes. Lets go through some basic fetish terms you need to know!
Ageplay – Role play that involves people being or performing as two different ages. The most classic example is teacher/student role play, but this can include adult babies, littles, and other situations.
BDSM – A modern acronym used to refer to the kink and fetish communities and activities. It stands for Bondage, Domination, Sadism, and Masochism
Bondage – Tying someone up or restraining them. You can use cuffs, rope, chain or other things for this. Safety is a big concern if this is something you want to try.
Bottom – The person receiving sensation. If you’re being spanked, penetrated, or tied up, you’re the bottom!
CBT – Acronym for “Cock and Ball Torture,”. It involves binding or torturing the male genitals. You’re into this if you like your genitals slapped, tied, or kicked.
Consent – Saying yes to the activity. Consent is very important in BDSM dating. Negotiate before playing to make sure you have consent for the activities.
Dom(me) – The dominant person in an activity. A Dom (male) or Domme (female) is the person in charge or in power in BDSM activities.
Dungeon Master – The person(s) in charge of safety in a public dungeon. If you and your hook up play publicly, the dungeon master is in charge of making sure everyone is playing safely. They are in charge, like a sheriff.
D/s – Dominance and submission.
Enema – Douching your butt. This is done to clean out the colon before anal play or as a fetish activity on it’s own.
Fetish – An object or action that turns you on. It might not be sexual on it’s own, but it turns you on. Examples are boots/high heels, foot fetish, leather, and rubber.
Fisting – Fisting happens when someone uses lube to slowly work their fist into a vagina or anus. This is another thing where safety is a big concern, but instructional classes are available even online.
Flogger – Floggers are used in BDSM play. It’s a whip with multiple tails (or “falls”). They are made of leather, rubber, or other materials and are used to by a top to strike a bottom in fleshy areas like the butt.
Foot Fetish- Someone with a foot fetish will get their kicks rubbing, touching, or licking feet.
Hanky Code – A system of identifying fetishes originating in the gay leather community. A bandana of a specific color is worn on either the left or right back pocket to indicate interest in a particular fetish. Doing this is called flagging. The back left pocket is for receiving or submitting to an action, while the back right pock is for topping or giving a certain activity. A black bandana in the left pocket indicates that you’d like to bottom to heavy S&M.
Hard Limit – Something you will not do, under any circumstances. Sometimes it’s just called a limit, but it’s saying that x-thing isn’t happening.
Masochism/Masochist – Enjoying and being turned on by receiving pain. If you enjoy the pain that comes from a spanking or bondage, you are a masochist.
Play – Doing BDSM stuff. If you go to a play party, that’s a party where people will engage in BDSM activities.
Pet Play – Pretending that someone is an animal (like a puppy or kitty). This can involve treats, pet bowls, tails, and ears. Cat girls and leather pups are pretty easy to find online if you’re curious.
Rough Sex – Sex where things get rough. There might be scratching, biting, slapping, or spanking.
Sadism/Sadist – Someone who enjoys giving consensual pain (to a masochist). If you want to be the one tying people up and causing pain, you’re a sadist.
Safeword – a pre-negotiated word that means no. The most common system mimics stoplights. Green means go. Yellow means slow down or back off on the sensation. Red means stop NOW.
Scat Play – playing with feces.
Shibari – literally, “Shibari” means “to tie” or “to bind.” It’s a kind of traditional Japanese rope bondage. Classes are available on this, and you want to pay attention to safety.
Sounding – From the medical practice. Sounding involves putting metal rods, carefully into someone’s urethra. This is another thing where you have to be safety conscious.
S/M – Sadism and masochism (or sadomasochism). It refers to sadists and masochists playing together.
Submissive – The one not in control during a BDSM exchange
Switch – One who switches between roles, sometimes they top, sometimes they bottom.
Sadomasochist – Someone who is both a sadist and a masochist
Top – The person providing sensation. If you’re penetrating another person, tying them up, or causing consensual pain, you’re the top.
Vanilla – Vanilla people are not into kink. Vanilla situations are not kinky.
Wax Play – Dripping hot wax onto another person. This is a safety first situation. Use parafin only candles, test the wax temperature first, and be careful where you get it. Also consider all relevant fire safety.
Watetsports/Golden Showers – Peeing on someone or being peed on – play with urine.
Alright, looks like you know some things now. Did any of that interest you? If so, fetish dating is something you’ll want to consider. Make sure to use the right terms in your profile, get consent, and always be safe!!