“IDK what 2 write, lol. I’m Devin, I like too hang out. I’m an only child I like pizza and making puzzles. Not sure what I’m looking 4, hit me up. Send a message if you want to know anything else. Yolo. Pics were taken at high school graduation. the kid in the pictures with me is my mom’s grandson.”
This is Devin’s profile. Well, he’s not really Devin: we changed his name to Devin to protect his privacy and because it sounds a lot like his real name, Kevin. Anyway, Devin’s profile is a hot mess. But not hot. Like an overflowing wastebasket with the wastebasket removed. Devin needs our help. And you might, too. So read on to find out how to create an adult dating site profile that not only doesn’t suck, but will get matches, responses, and messages.
Use The Most Recent Images
We’ll start with the most important element of an adult dating site profile: the images. If you don’t have great images you can post on your profile, you’re going to have a hard time saving it with the rest of the content. It can be done, but it’s less likely. So scour your phone, your Cloud accounts, your Facebook, Instagram, mugshots, and Pinterest photos and find the very best, most recent pictures of you being awesome. Humbly. With your clothes on.
Use Photographs Showing a Mix of Activities
Make sure your photographs are a good mix: include one action shot, one big toothy smile, and one, good, clear waist-up image that shows your face well. If you’re using pictures that include other people, make sure it’s clear which one you are, that you are larger or centered, and that you are in focus. With your clothes on.
Go Play Outside
Also, according to some study we’ve forgotten about already, pictures of you taken during the warm months, doing warm month stuff, get better responses than pictures taken during the colder months. So load up on pictures of yourself engaged in sunny summer activities. Or, if you’re in Buffalo, just use pictures taken indoors. With extra clothes on.
We said that an out-of-this world description could possibly save a weak collection of photos, but the inverse isn’t true. You’re going to need a good description on your profile no matter how good-looking you are and how well your photos demonstrate it.
We all “love to laugh.” Do you know any wretched life-victim that hates to laugh? Are you able to visit with them outside of a facility where the staff wear matching uniforms? Are you “Crazy,” or “Wild,” “New to this,” “love traveling,” “looking to make friends?” Are you white (“I like all music except rap”)? Are you not white (“I like all music except country”)? Do you “Love life,” or do you just love coming up with one last thing to say so you can be done writing your profile description? If you answered yes to any of these questions, don’t bother writing “I’m not good at writing about myself:” we can tell.
Share Your Sociable Hobbies
Hopefully you have some. Besides Dungeons & Dragons. Everybody who lands on your profile will be able to relate to the pleasures of surfing the internet. But they haven’t all put it on their profile, so they don’t surf the internet on Friday and Saturday nights. Reading is great: it demonstrates curiosity and at least some intelligence, unless what you read is Stephanie Meyer and E.L. James. But to just say “Reading” implies being alone. It’s not a team sport. Try these alternatives: I like to read on the train when I’m traveling; I like going to the botanical gardens or arboretum to just sit and read; I like going to the local playground in a trench-coat and fedora to just sit and read “Lolita.” Video games are a little better, and their appeal is growing across both genders, but its reputation is still as a mostly solitary activity. Come up with some things that you like to do with other people away from your home. Live music is always good, and who doesn’t like to see live music as long as it’s not country or rap? Movies, theatre, cow-tipping, parking illegally–there must be something you like to do.
No one cares how you got fucked over by your ex. Most are just interested in fucking you over and over. The cynical, the jaded, the world-weary don’t play well on adult dating sites. No one’s looking for a cross between Woody Allen and Wolverine. Repeat after us: It’s all good.
We suppose it’s hard to prove that you’re honest on an adult dating site without condemning yourself to a forsaken profile. If you’re married, for example, we would commend your honesty for sharing that detail on your profile, but wonder about your wits. That can be explained later. You will serve yourself well by being honest about things you might exaggerate. Like your age, your size, your other size, your height, your income, how nice you are, that you can read. You can’t necessarily prove you’re honest in an adult dating site profile, but you can sure prove you’re full of shit.
Grammar and Spelling
Okay: not everone is good at this, and typos happen. Don’t sweat it too much: the fish thinks the bird is an idiot because he can’t swim; the bird thinks the fish is an idiot because he can’t fly. But users judge this stuff, especially female users. So if you know this is not a strength, keep it simple, take your time, and consult the many readily available free online dictionaries, and mind those squiggly red lines. Have a friend proofread for you.
The time to be debriefed is later. Make sure the necessary stuff, in the broadest terms, is included: what you do for work, how old you are, where you are, what you want, what you like to do. Done.
Have a friend take a look at your profile. After they stop laughing, say “but will it get me laid?”
Keep it fresh. You’re going to change, and so is your life. And your appearance. Keep current photos going up, tweak your description, and add new developments. Like marriage, for example.
Most importantly: in your photos, your description, and how you use your profile and engage with potential matches, keep it fun. If it doesn’t start fun, it won’t be fun.